Craiglist Dating

As I walked into work the other day, I passed two beautiful young co-workers chatting as they stocked some stuff. One of them said to the other "I can't imagine looking for a date on Craigslist."

At first I was a little wounded. After all, I HAVE looked for dates on Craigslist. I also have a profile at the dating website okcupid.com (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RentonRandal). But then I thought "Well, you can't imagine doing that because you're young, beautiful and female." I saw this girl go through two relationships before she found the man that she married. As soon as she broke up with one guy, guys more or less lined up to take her out.

I am not young.

Although I consider myself rather handsome, I am not beautiful.

I am not female.

Women are not lining up to go out with rather handsome, middle-aged men. Or, allow me to qualify that. Women in whom I would be interested in pursuing a relationship are not lining up to go out with rather handsome, middle-aged men.

I have had it postulated to me that I am being "too picky". That could be. After all, to steal a line from Robert Redford in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid", "I'm not picky. As long as you're smart, pretty, and sweet, and gentle, and tender, and refined, and lovely, and carefree..." Honestly, is that too much to ask?

Here's where the conflicts mostly come in…

A lot of women my age are looking to settle down. NOW! Go out on a date on Friday, meet her parents on Saturday, get married on Sunday. Yikes. A fair number of women my age are suspicious of us because a lot of single guys my age are just looking for young women with whom to have sex. And ladies, let's face it… I don't mean to be rude here… but there's a weight problem. Now I'm not talking about women who are carrying around a few extra pounds. I'm carrying around a few extra pounds, and frankly I like that from a physical perspective. It gives women those curves that I like so much. It also indicates to me that they're not gym and health food obsessed. I'm talking about A WEIGHT PROBLEM. Like hard to sit in a bucket seat, can't fit in a theatre seat, has to pay for two tickets on a plane because she takes up more than one seat weight problem. Okay? And no, ladies – simply because you choose to eat the entire menu at McDonald's every day and drive to your mailbox instead of walking does NOT mean that you are a BBW (big, beautiful woman) or that we have to accept you that way. You want to see a big, beautiful woman? Look at Camryn Manheim. Look at Kate Dillon, the model. Look at Queen Latifah. So, although I respect that you have the right to live in such a way that will cause you innumerable health problems and death from a heart attack by the time that you're fifty, I have the right not to date you. I met one woman on Criagslist, for instance, who described herself in her ad as "chubby". No pic. Okay, I can do "chubby". We started to talk, and it soon became apparent that she has some real issues with her weight. It was almost all that she wanted to talk about. I had to keep steering the conversation away from it. She then told me that she weighs 180 pounds. No problem. I can deal with that. A few days later, she revealed that she had lied, and she actually weighs 280 pounds. Two problems: don't lie to me and 280 pounds is by no stretch of the imagination "chubby". I'm a six foot two male and I don't weigh 280 pounds. Weight problem.

Another thing that presents an issue for me is intelligence, or lack thereof. I love intelligence. If we can talk about almost anything for so long that we lose track of time, I'm likely to fall in love with you. And I'm not talking about education here. Most of my education is self-inflicted and I know MANY college-educated idiots. (An interesting side note – the root word from which we get "idiot", idiota, referred to a person "declining to take part in public life, such as democratic government". So when I call you people who don't vote "idiots", don't take it personally – I'm just taking the word back to it's roots.) There seems to be a lot of confusion about what intelligence means, so let me clarify. Intelligence is your ability to gain new knowledge. It has nothing to do with what you KNOW, but rather what you CAN know. What you DO know is "knowledge". To me, gaining new knowledge is an ongoing process. I try to gain new knowledge every day. What I know does not make me intelligent, being intelligent makes me capable of being knowledgeable. A person who lacks knowledge on a subject (as we all do on one topic or another) is ignorant on that topic. And no, ignorant is not an insult, although it can be used in an insulting fashion. I, for instance, am almost entirely ignorant about the workings of an internal-combustion engine. I am also ignorant of the rules of the British games cricket and rugby. I could learn these things if chose to take the time do so, I simply haven't yet. So if I refer to you as possessing "ignorance", please don't take this as an insult. I am simply saying that you have the opportunity to learn about whatever topic we're discussing. So why is this an issue? There are a LOT of people in America today who are willfully ignorant. And proud of it. They do not simply lack knowledge about certain things, they are absolutely DETERMINED to remain ignorant about these topics. I guess that means that I value an open mind… just not, as Mark Twain said, so open that your brains fall out. People have, for instance, encouraged me to be "open-minded" about the mess in Iraq. Believe it or not, I am… but for my mind to be changed, I have to have a compelling argument based on logic and facts. My mind will never be so open on the topic that my brains fall out. Or extra-terrestrial life. I DESPERATELY want to believe that there is life on other planets, I simply haven't seen the evidence to this time. Evidence is being presented now that Mars may have once supported life, but nothing concrete. Although I believe in God, and accept that our existence is ultimately the result of God, there is also overwhelming evidence that we evolved from lower animals. If you reject creation completely in favor of evolution, or reject evolution completely in favor of creation, your mind is closed on the subject. You are willfully ignorant – unwilling to consider another point of view.

And all of this begs the question – how on Earth do you meet people? I can't imagine that bars are a good place to meet a woman to settle down with. I don't, as a rule, like bars and can't imagine spending my life with a woman who does. The movies? Not the best place to strike up a conversation unless you enjoy hearing "SHHHHH!" I go to the library a lot, and think that I could be happy with a library patron, but again, how do you strike up a conversation in a place where you're not supposed to talk? I have approached women in the supermarket, on the street, etc., that I'm attracted to and am usually met with a cold shoulder. I don't date co-workers, I think that's a mess waiting to happen. Case in point being that's how I met my ex-wife. So what does that leave? Near as I can tell, speed-dating or the internet. I've not yet done the speed-dating thing, but will be willing to give it a try the next time that I have $200 burning a hole in my pocket (the typical cost of a session). Also, it just sounds like fun.

So I guess that I'll close this with a quick note to the young, beautiful people who can't imagine looking for a date on Craigslist: "Count your blessings. Be happy that you don't HAVE to consider this. It may not always be the case."

Peace.

Randal