"News"

I was seriously worried about three window washers in Indianapolis today. Seriously worried. You see, their scaffolding fell out from under them, and they were left dangling from their safety harnesses. You see what I'm saying? IN INDIANA! For those of you who don't know, I live just south of beautiful downtown SEATTLE, WASHINGTON. As far as I know, I know no one in Indiana. I don't know these window washers. As far as I know, I don't know anyone who knows anyone who knows these window washers. So why was I worried? Because I saw their story on the "news".

Now, here's my question… why do I give a crap about three window washers stranded by their scaffolding in Indianapolis, Indiana? (They all three got away fine, by the way. I checked the internet when I got home.) But seriously. If I really need to worry, I can come up with SOMETHING that actually affects me to worry about. Money. The health of my parents. Whether or not I'll ever be able to meet my grandson. You know… REAL stuff.

A former girlfriend of mine got pissed as hell at me about the Virginia Tech shooting, which happened when we were together. I noticed, a few days after the shooting, that the flags were flying at half-staff. I never connected the two. I kind of wondered out loud "Who died? The flags are at half-staff." Gerald Ford had recently died, but I knew that his mourning period had passed. She said "It's for the Virginia Tech victims." Being the person that I am, I said "But flying the flags at half-staff is only for a day of national mourning, like the loss of a president or a hero." She said "This IS a day of national mourning."

Really.

Why?

I have (or had, I've lost track of them) family in Virginia. I'm sure that they're fine, my mom would have told me otherwise (her side of the family, and she's our family gore-crow, hearing all of the news of illness and death before any of the rest of us.) Was this a sad thing? Sure it was. Should we have heard about it? Absolutely. Should it have occupied the news in Washington State, an entire continent away, for TWO FUCKING DAYS? Not a shot in hell. And a day of national mourning? Give me a break. I mean, let's ignore statistics here and say that all of the kids who were killed were fine, upstanding kids who never did anything wrong and were all future nobel-prize winners. Sad for them, sad for their families. I feel for their families. I do. But for me? I am not in mourning. I was shocked, I was sad, I got over it. Quickly. Then I got SICK of it.

This beast called the 24-hour news cycle is eating our brains and our ability to empathize alive. I have to empathize with people whom I've never met… will probably NEVER meet who live a continent away from me? Even more – I have to mourn their losses for days on end? Fuck that.

Here's what I picture for a slow news day on CNN:

Blazing graphic on the screen that says "Treed Cat Watch – MINUTE 2!"

"It's been a trying two minutes here, waiting to see what's going to happen to the cat in the tree in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Let's go now to our man on the scene, Ace Hoel. Ace? What's the situation there?"

"Thank you, Don Knowjack. That's right, I'm joining the vigil here in Pawtucket for the cat in the tree. We've received an unconfirmed report that the cat's name… yes, I'm receiving confirmation now… the cat's name is, indeed, "Fluffers". Oh, wait, I see Fluffers' owner, Mary Wimpbag now. Mary! Mary! How do you feel about Fluffers being stuck in a tree?"

"Oh, Ace, it's been so grueling waiting here to see what's going to happen with Fluffers. I blame violent video games and rap music for driving her up that tree."

"You heard it here first, folks. Rap music and violent video games are to blame for Fluffers being in the tree. We are now entering minute three of "Treed Cat Watch", and.. wait… there's some movement in the tree… Jim, are you taping this? Yes, there's movement and she's… SHE'S DOWN! SHE'S SAFE! Oh, thank God. This is a great day for cats everywhere. A tearful reunion for Fluffers and Mary after a seemingly endless three minutes and fifteen seconds. Back to you, Don."

"Thank you, Ace. We now have in our studio five political analysts to discuss the impact of the so-called "Fluffers" incident on John McCain and black presidential candidate Barak Hussein Obama, who's black. Did we mention that Obama's black? And that his middle name is Hussein?"

Jeez. But don't worry about it, guys. Whatever story they're obsessing over today, you won't have to worry about it for long. They NEVER finish the stories. Remember Nathalie Holloway, the girl who went missing in the Bahamas? Yeah? What happened with that case? Who knows. What about Anna Nicole Smith? After hearing about nothing but Anna Nicole Smith for about a week, what was the outcome of the inquest? You know? Me either. The stories done. I loved Jack Cafferty on CNN on the Anna Nicole Smith thing. On the situation room around day four or five of THAT endless vigil when Wolf Blitzer tossed to him on Situation Room, and he burned Blitzer's ass by saying "So Wolf… is Anna Nicole still dead?" And hey, what about that kid who shot those other kids at Virginia Tech and then killed himself? Anything of any substance there? Why, or anything? No? Stories over.

How about this, guys? Let's start worrying only about the things that really affect us. Caring about the things that we REALLY care about. For me, I'm going to make a commitment to you not to watch anymore CNN, Headline News, Fox News (that, at least will be easy) and only seeking out news about the things that really affect me. I mean, Jeez, you'd never know from watching those stations that we're at war or that some members of Congress are actually trying to take action against the criminal Bush administration.

Those are things that I really care about.

Peace.

Randal