What our kids what from us is boundaries. When a kid misbehaves, it’s not because they like misbehaving, or because they are “bad” kids, it means that they want us to tell them that it’s not acceptable, and WHY it’s not acceptable. They want us to tell them “NO”.
This is how we raise our kids to be civilized human beings rather than barbarians. I love something that Whoopi Goldberg said. She is of a generation halfway between my parents and myself. She said that her generation raised their kids to be free, not to bow to what others want simply because they are “supposed to”. And they, in turn, raised a generation of MONSTERS. Although this is obviously not entirely true, the point is made. And it goes for my generation, whose kids are now grown, as well. We grew up resenting discipline, and so are afraid to discipline our kids.
And no, by “discipline”, I do not mean spanking. Let me say this utterly clearly… even knowing that I sometimes spanked my kids… SPANKING DOES NOT WORK! The reason that I say that is that when I look back on my childhood, I realize that spanking did not teach me right from wrong. It taught me NOT TO GET CAUGHT. If I get caught, I get spanked, therefore I learned to be more cunning, sneakier. I still did the things that I wanted to do, I just got better at not getting caught.
By discipline, I mean truly teaching our kids right from wrong. What the parenting classes call “logical consequences”. If you do A, then B will happen, and B is an undesireable outcome. If B = spanking, then what happens when the kid grows up and there is no one to spank them?
You know, I had something else to say here, but I’ll be darned if I can remember what it was. I’ll add it when I remember it.
Peace.
Randal
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2 comments:
LOL!! That happens to me often, start to say something, then forget what it is I meant to say!
In this case, I think you have said enough. Boundaries help determine a child's character and teaches them how to think for themselves, to learn how to BE.
Good entry.
i raised my son without spanking, and a lot of people disagree, but their kids are now unwed teenage parents that drink and use drugs and smoke...my son does none of this...to the point that even i think he is a bit strange sometimes. he has spent almost 4 years in college and has not let anyone sway him from his morals. very good blog. the point about there being no one around to spank you as adults is very good and really drives home the point.
although, sometimes a grownup spanking doesn't suck :)
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