Three Little Words

THREE LITTLE WORDS

Here's a little game that you can play with yourself in this world of self-help... come up with three words to describe you. The essential you. The unvarying, basic you. Three little words. Not phrases, just words.

Okay, got 'em? Don't think too hard about them, just make them the first three words that come to your mind.

Mine are now... and have been for years... intelligent, kind and funny.

Now, look at those words. The first thing to check for is this... are they all positive words? Because the way that you define yourself is the way that you will be. You will work hard to make that a reality. When I asked a former girlfriend of mine to do this once, one of the words that she used was “addicted”. Last I heard, she had kicked drugs, so I wonder if she still feels that that describes her. So if you define yourself by a negative phrase, you will do whatever you can to live up to that definition.

So do yourself a favor. Make them positive words, and make sure that they don't just describe you today. Make sure that they describe you as you are in your unwavering soul.

Okay, got the three now?

Now take a look at those three words, and see if any of them are going to change. For instance, one lady that I knew used the word “mom”. Well, that's terrific... as long as you have a baby or a child. Once your kids grow up, the definition of mom should change dramatically. You'll always be a mother, but the idea of “mom” should change in your child's vocabulary from meaning (roughly) “God” to a being much more distant... much less necessary to his or her day to day existence. So what happens to mom then? Whatever part of her life was dedicated to being “mom” is now... well, I hate to sound negative about it... but a void. And the women who still try to remain a day-to-day part of their adult son or daughter's existence tend to become nuisances to their child. Mom, if you do your job right when the kids are little, then they will no longer rely on you in the same way when they are big.

I know that all of that sounds harsh, but it's really not. And I'm not just picking on moms here, either. The same goes for dads, it just happens that my example was a mom. As a parent, you have one job and that is to raise your child into a responsible adult. Then let them go off and be a responsible adult, while you go on to whatever is next in your life.

So what is that?

This is why I would personally recommend against using something basically transient like “mom” or “dad” or “accountant” in your description. There's no preparation for that to change. And if you decide to, be prepared for that part of your description to become null after a while, and realize that SOMETHING else will fill it. Either you'll be prepared for that and it'll be something good, or you won't... and it WON'T necessarily be something good.

So... do you now have your three words? Your three little words that describe the infinite, unalterable you?

Now think about which one of those words is the most important in your life.

For me, it is the word “kind”. If I am not kind above all else, then the other two descriptors simply don't matter. I am not saying that I am kind every time that I act. I am saying that I try to be. I have been told by people that I have not been kind to them. When this happens, I do not make excuses and I do not shuff it off. These are the times that wear on my conscience.

So think about whichever of these words is the most important. When you visualize these three little words, which one is it that is printed in neon, in all capital letters with fireworks going off around it? Now, check and make sure that this word represents something that you WANT to be dominant in your life. For instance, if the word is RUNNER, what happens if you lose a limb? What happens if arthritis sets in? What happens, in short, if something comes up that makes you no longer a runner?

In summation, these words fall into three catagories… have, do and are. You may lose what you have. What you do may change. What you are… ah, that doesn't change.

Back to the idea of negative words here, someone may argue that what they ARE is a loser. I would disagree. I would say that what they are DOING is being a loser. And what you do may change.

Peace.

Rev. Randal