STURGEON GENITAL'S WARNING: THE PURPOSE OF THIS BLOG ENTRY IS TO OFFEND. I AM SETTING OUT HERE TO OFFEND EVERYONE AT LEAST ONCE, SOMETIMES SEVERAL TIMES. SO IF YOUR DELICATE SENSIBILITIES CAN'T TAKE BEING OFFENDED, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CLOSE THIS BROWSER WINDOW... NOW. THANK YOU.
I have several topics that I want to cover today, and they all involve the title, so bear with me if you want.
I have a day job. Because I have not yet been able to convince anyone to pay me for my writing, and none of my friends or relatives love me enough to shelter and feed my lazy ass while I try to make a living off of either of the TWO things that I do well, I have a day job. By the way... if anyone reading this is an agent or publisher who can help me make a living as a writer, PLEASE contact me. I am ten times the writer that Dan Brown is, only with the integrity to prevent me from shamelessly stealing someone else's work and making a gagjillion dollars off of it like he did.
I don't know for how much longer I can stand to have a day job. A friend once commented that I need to develop a higher tolerance for stupidity. It's not working. As a matter of fact, my tolerance for stupidity seems to be getting lower and lower. I made a joke at my day job today, and was hauled in to the office to be reminded that any statement that can offend ANYONE (which means ANY joke) is grounds for termination in the modern bullshit corporate mentality. I'll tell you what it was in a sec. Again, close the browser if you're an inbred pea-brained idiot who looks for reasons to take offense at shit, okay? At that point in history, I almost just walked out, fed up with the whole thing. I'm almost there. I'm almost ready to let the finance company take my car, sell all my shit and move into a cardboard box. My personality is incompatible with corporate life, and it's only getting worse the longer that I try to do it. I only play well with others WHO ARE WILLING TO PLAY.
So here's what I said... for those who don't yet know, Michael Jackson, who has spent the last thirty years turning himself into a parody of a human being, died today. On CNN today, they showed side-by-side pictures of MJ from his days in the Jackson 5 and how he looked recently. Here's the offensive comment. This joke, by the way, is so old as to be almost venerable. I want to say that Jay Leno started it about fifteen years ago. I said that at some point Michael Jackson went from being a cute black kid to being a weird looking old white lady. Someone told on me. Damned good thing that they didn't hear my earlier comment that pedophiles the world over would now have to stop touching kids for a day of mourning at the death of one of their patron saints. (I know who told on me, by the way, and I think that it has more to do with the fact that this person doesn't like me than anything.)
I do not understand people. Human beings. They puzzle me almost to insanity. I am reassured that I am, in fact, a human being myself, but if that were the case it seems like I would have more in common with them. The things that entertain them would entertain me. The things that offend them would offend me. I would desire the things that they desire, but none of this is the case.
Of course, I can understand this offense... if there's one thing that we need a hell of a lot LESS of... especially at difficult times... it's humor.
So now, I am intentionally going to set out to offend everyone. If you belong to a group that I somehow manage to miss, I apologize. I don't mean to offend you be leaving you out of the offensive jokes, it was an accident.
And for the record, I myself am a half German, half American Indian middle aged heterosexual white guy. So I'm going to start with a white guy joke... and trust me... those are HARD to find.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA.
An Indian guy walks up to his friend and says “Running Bear, how do we get our names?” And his friend says “We're named after the first thing that our mother sees when we're born... why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?”
Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products? So that they don't have to go around being nice while they fix them.
(Don't know if this qualifies as a heterosexual joke or not, but it's the only one that I could find.) How many heterosexual male hairdressers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Both of them.
How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
How do Chinese couples name their kids? They roll a metal garbage can downstairs and name the kid the first three sounds that it makes.
Three gay guys are sitting in a hot tub. One notices some cum floating on the surface and says “Okay... who farted?”
Jewish guy is having sex with his wife. He says “I'm sorry, did I hurt you?” She says “No, why do ask?” He says “You moved.”
Why do women prove that there's no such thing as intelligent design? Because no intelligent designer would put the snack bar that close to outhouse.
Why do men prove that there's no such thing as intelligent design? Because only an idiot would give something both a brain and a dick and only blood enough to operate one at a time.
What do you call a Japanese failure? A survivor of Pearl Harbor.
What do you call a priest with no little boys in his congregation? Celibate.
Okay, that's all that I can think of at the moment, and my spleen is well vented. Anyone who wants to add any, please feel free, with the only stipulation being that they MUST BE FUNNY, and not just to you.
And also – to any of my loved ones out there in the corporate world – please, if a co-worker says something that offends you, do everyone a favor – go to them and say “That's not cool, man.” Don't go run and tell like a little kid who gets pushed over at the playground, okay?
Peace.
Randal
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Health Care Hullaballoo
We need a national health care program. It is a disgrace that we are the only industrialized nation in the world that not only has citizens with no health care, but allows our health care system to be run by a profit motive.
The republicans, who are anti-anything-Barack Obama-says, have launched a series of ads asking people if they want the GOVERNMENT (insert ominous music here) making their medical decisions for them. Of course not. We want to make our OWN medical decisions, with the advice of our doctors. Which is the way it is now, right?
Right?
Well, wrong actually. Right now INSURANCE companies get to make your medical decisions for you. If you, like me, are one of the unfortunates caught in an HMO (Health Maintenance Organization), then your insurance company can even decide which doctor you see. You get a prescription from your doctor, you get it filled and your insurance company covers it, though, right?
Right?
Well, wrong actually. Your doctor, with years of training in medical arts, can be overridden by some insurance company beaurocrat simply because they don’t want to pay for it. Same for physical therapy. Your doctor prescribes a years’ worth of physical therapy for some ailment? Too bad. If the insurance company doesn’t want to pay for it, they don’t. They’ll pay for fifteen sessions. That’s it. After that, if you’re not better, well that’s just too damned bad, isn’t it?
So might a government-run health care plan be better than this? Maybe. Could it be worse? Hard to imagine.
So why am I blaming this divisiveness on the republicans? Surely the democrats are out there swinging, too. True enough. But the republicans have gotten so far up corporate ass over the last thirty years that the democrats can only DREAM of it.
For instance, one republican senator, arguing against further regulation of tobacco, recently said that if you roll up a lettuce leaf and smoke it, you’ll suffer the same ill effects as if you smoked a cigarette. It is not nicotine, he points out, that harms your health. No, stupid. It is nicotine that keeps you ADDICTED so that you have to keep smoking. And would smoking lettuce leaves cause cancer and emphysema? I’m not sure. As far as I know, smoking lettuce would not leave the tar deposits in your lungs that tobacco does.
And then republican mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh attacked democrats because the FDA has pulled the cold remedy Zycam off the shelf. (Zycam is one of the sponsors of his show, by the way.) Zycam is causing people to lose their sense of smell. THAT’S why it was pulled off the market. I don’t know where the insane idea that democrats are against business came from, but it’s the worst kind of bullshit that I’ve ever heard.
So what do the republicans want? They want us to start funneling our tax dollars to private insurance companies so that we can continue having the same kind of lousy coverage that we have now, while these insurance companies continue growing richer and richer off of our illnesses.
And, by the way, to head off the screams of PARTISAN that I can already here in neo-con throats out there, President Obama seems on board with that nonsense. I WANT THE PRESIDENT THAT I VOTED FOR, and so far, Obama AIN’T IT.
Bill Maher summed it up beautifully on his show last week. He said that we voted for Obama because of the Audacity of Hope… now we’re just HOPING for a little AUDACITY.
Peace.
Randal
The republicans, who are anti-anything-Barack Obama-says, have launched a series of ads asking people if they want the GOVERNMENT (insert ominous music here) making their medical decisions for them. Of course not. We want to make our OWN medical decisions, with the advice of our doctors. Which is the way it is now, right?
Right?
Well, wrong actually. Right now INSURANCE companies get to make your medical decisions for you. If you, like me, are one of the unfortunates caught in an HMO (Health Maintenance Organization), then your insurance company can even decide which doctor you see. You get a prescription from your doctor, you get it filled and your insurance company covers it, though, right?
Right?
Well, wrong actually. Your doctor, with years of training in medical arts, can be overridden by some insurance company beaurocrat simply because they don’t want to pay for it. Same for physical therapy. Your doctor prescribes a years’ worth of physical therapy for some ailment? Too bad. If the insurance company doesn’t want to pay for it, they don’t. They’ll pay for fifteen sessions. That’s it. After that, if you’re not better, well that’s just too damned bad, isn’t it?
So might a government-run health care plan be better than this? Maybe. Could it be worse? Hard to imagine.
So why am I blaming this divisiveness on the republicans? Surely the democrats are out there swinging, too. True enough. But the republicans have gotten so far up corporate ass over the last thirty years that the democrats can only DREAM of it.
For instance, one republican senator, arguing against further regulation of tobacco, recently said that if you roll up a lettuce leaf and smoke it, you’ll suffer the same ill effects as if you smoked a cigarette. It is not nicotine, he points out, that harms your health. No, stupid. It is nicotine that keeps you ADDICTED so that you have to keep smoking. And would smoking lettuce leaves cause cancer and emphysema? I’m not sure. As far as I know, smoking lettuce would not leave the tar deposits in your lungs that tobacco does.
And then republican mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh attacked democrats because the FDA has pulled the cold remedy Zycam off the shelf. (Zycam is one of the sponsors of his show, by the way.) Zycam is causing people to lose their sense of smell. THAT’S why it was pulled off the market. I don’t know where the insane idea that democrats are against business came from, but it’s the worst kind of bullshit that I’ve ever heard.
So what do the republicans want? They want us to start funneling our tax dollars to private insurance companies so that we can continue having the same kind of lousy coverage that we have now, while these insurance companies continue growing richer and richer off of our illnesses.
And, by the way, to head off the screams of PARTISAN that I can already here in neo-con throats out there, President Obama seems on board with that nonsense. I WANT THE PRESIDENT THAT I VOTED FOR, and so far, Obama AIN’T IT.
Bill Maher summed it up beautifully on his show last week. He said that we voted for Obama because of the Audacity of Hope… now we’re just HOPING for a little AUDACITY.
Peace.
Randal
Saturday, June 20, 2009
On Recalls, Regulations, Beef Tatare and What the Hell Are We Doing to Food?
Let me start off tonight with a confession. It’s only fair.
I eat raw cookie dough. LOVE IT. Can’t get enough since I was a kid. Probably why I’m diabetic.
Now that I’ve got THAT off my chest, let me get on with things.
Nestle has recalled some of its frozen raw cookie dough due to an e-coli outbreak, presumably in the raw eggs, although I didn’t know that eggs could carry e-coli. As I was watching the news story about this, they decided to do an idiot-on-the-street interview. The lady that they spoke to smugly intoned that there needed to be “more safety regulations”.
Really.
What the hell do you want, lady? Someone from the FDA living in your kitchen to slap the raw cookie dough out of your hand before you put it in your mouth? WHO OUT THERE DOESN’T KNOW THAT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH? I think that we all know that in this day and age. And those of us who still continue to do it recognize that we’re rolling the dice with every mouthful. Safety regulations would not, for instance, stop me from eating raw cookie dough. As a matter of fact, on my way home I stopped at the store to see if I could get some of the recalled cookie dough just so that I could eat it, but no success.
But then that got me thinking… what the hell are we doing to food?
For instance, think back twenty years ago. Fifteen years ago. Hell, TEN years ago. How many people did you know at that time who had fatal, anaphylactic peanut allergies? Ten? Five? None? NOW how many do you know? I’ve got to tell you, before about ten years ago, I can’t remember EVER hearing about ANYONE with a fatal peanut allergy, and now all of a sudden I can’t count the number of people that I know do on both hands. What the hell did we do to the inoffensive little peanut to make it want to kill us like this? A lot of these people can’t even touch peanut shells, inhale the dust from a cracked shell, or eat food that’s been processed in the same place as peanuts without dying. What have we done? Is it pesticides? Some sort of natural defense of the peanut TO pesticides?
And what about eggs? When I was a kid, I remember being thoroughly grossed out watching Rocky drink a glass full of raw egg for the pure protein in them. My older brother, who fancied himself a bodybuilder used to drink raw eggs. Today, that would be a DEATH wish. Any mother who saw her teenage son drink a raw egg today would FREAK OUT. When did eggs become little time bombs, just waiting to go off and kill us?
And does anyone but me remember a dish called Beef Tartare? It’s basically raw hamburger with spices and onion served on rye bread to absorb all that good BLOOD and occasionally… get this… WITH A RAW EGG ON TOP! Now you can’t even get your freaking steak rare because we’ve made beef into a deadly weapon! If you order beef tatare in a restaurant now, especially with the raw egg on top, you’re required by law to write a suicide note first.
I don’t have answers to any of this stuff, loved ones. Just something that I’ve been pondering for a while that all came to head today. I don’t have enough of a scientific mind to answer these questions, but I tell you… SOMEBODY better…. Because between poisonous eggs, beef and peanuts and all the bees dying off, we’re gonna be on Soylent Green real fucking quick here, and I love my parents too much for that.
Peace.
Randal
I eat raw cookie dough. LOVE IT. Can’t get enough since I was a kid. Probably why I’m diabetic.
Now that I’ve got THAT off my chest, let me get on with things.
Nestle has recalled some of its frozen raw cookie dough due to an e-coli outbreak, presumably in the raw eggs, although I didn’t know that eggs could carry e-coli. As I was watching the news story about this, they decided to do an idiot-on-the-street interview. The lady that they spoke to smugly intoned that there needed to be “more safety regulations”.
Really.
What the hell do you want, lady? Someone from the FDA living in your kitchen to slap the raw cookie dough out of your hand before you put it in your mouth? WHO OUT THERE DOESN’T KNOW THAT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH? I think that we all know that in this day and age. And those of us who still continue to do it recognize that we’re rolling the dice with every mouthful. Safety regulations would not, for instance, stop me from eating raw cookie dough. As a matter of fact, on my way home I stopped at the store to see if I could get some of the recalled cookie dough just so that I could eat it, but no success.
But then that got me thinking… what the hell are we doing to food?
For instance, think back twenty years ago. Fifteen years ago. Hell, TEN years ago. How many people did you know at that time who had fatal, anaphylactic peanut allergies? Ten? Five? None? NOW how many do you know? I’ve got to tell you, before about ten years ago, I can’t remember EVER hearing about ANYONE with a fatal peanut allergy, and now all of a sudden I can’t count the number of people that I know do on both hands. What the hell did we do to the inoffensive little peanut to make it want to kill us like this? A lot of these people can’t even touch peanut shells, inhale the dust from a cracked shell, or eat food that’s been processed in the same place as peanuts without dying. What have we done? Is it pesticides? Some sort of natural defense of the peanut TO pesticides?
And what about eggs? When I was a kid, I remember being thoroughly grossed out watching Rocky drink a glass full of raw egg for the pure protein in them. My older brother, who fancied himself a bodybuilder used to drink raw eggs. Today, that would be a DEATH wish. Any mother who saw her teenage son drink a raw egg today would FREAK OUT. When did eggs become little time bombs, just waiting to go off and kill us?
And does anyone but me remember a dish called Beef Tartare? It’s basically raw hamburger with spices and onion served on rye bread to absorb all that good BLOOD and occasionally… get this… WITH A RAW EGG ON TOP! Now you can’t even get your freaking steak rare because we’ve made beef into a deadly weapon! If you order beef tatare in a restaurant now, especially with the raw egg on top, you’re required by law to write a suicide note first.
I don’t have answers to any of this stuff, loved ones. Just something that I’ve been pondering for a while that all came to head today. I don’t have enough of a scientific mind to answer these questions, but I tell you… SOMEBODY better…. Because between poisonous eggs, beef and peanuts and all the bees dying off, we’re gonna be on Soylent Green real fucking quick here, and I love my parents too much for that.
Peace.
Randal
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Iranian Election and E-mail
First off, just a couple of quick thoughts on the kerfuffle over the Iranian elections.
What are the chances that we are behind the protests? I don’t have any evidence that we are, but let’s face it – you look at the number of times that America has been involved in “protests” over legitimate elections that wind up putting an illegitimate leader in place… Iran in 1941, Cuba in 1958, Florida in 2000… we’re not above engineering elections to get what we consider in our own near-sighted myopic way to be a favorable outcome. Of course, the results of the three aforementioned elections (the Shah of Iran, Fidel Castro and George W. Bush) show that what is favorable in the short-term is not always a good thing in the long-term.
Okay, now on to the e-mail. I’ve said before (and I’m apparently doomed to say again) that if you forward a brainless e-mail to me, I will pick it apart with a crab fork. So…
A friend of mine whom I consider a “borderline neo-con”, meaning that he really WANTS to be a neo-con when he grows up but can’t quite bring himself to fully handle the snakes and drink the Kool-aid sent this e-mail to me call the Bill of “non-rights”. Let me make absolutely clear that this is separate from the “bill of responsibilities” that the sane among us advocate to get Americans to grow up. So let’s look at each of these “non-rights”.
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
Good start. I like it. This idea of entitlement is part of what’s gotten us into the financial mess that we’re in right now. It’s like when I see these TV commercials talking about how this or that outfit can help you stop your credit card debt. Want to stop your credit card debt? CUT UP THE BLOODY CREDIT CARDS! Get rid of them! With the possible exception of a house or a car, go back to living the way that people used to: if you can’t afford to pay cash for it, you CAN’T AFFORD IT! So let’s look at the next one.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc. but the world is full of dummies and probably always will be.
I agree. I’ve seen this phrased different ways at different times and I always agree with it. This idea that somehow the way that I think that YOU should live is the correct way always confuses and bugs me. For instance, on Bill Maher’s show a few weeks back, he had a former republican lawmaker named Heather Wilson. With only seconds remaining in the show before he started his final segment, New Rules, he inexplicably asked Ms. Wilson about gay marriage. She put on that holier-than-thou, simpering face that I’ve grown so sick of and said the words that always presage trouble for free thinkers “Well, I’m a Christian…” I gotta tell you, Ms. Wilson, that… AS A CHRISTIAN… not all of us agree with what you’re about to whine. As a matter of fact, some of us take Jesus’ admonition not to judge to heart. At any rate, she continued that with “I was raised to believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman.” Bully for you. What gives you the right to impose that belief on others? Ms. Wilson, on the off-chance that you’re reading this, I challenge you to a debate on the Biblical view of marriage and it’s application or non-application today, and I can almost guarantee you that if we have impartial judges, you’ll lose. But in the meantime, all that the fact that you think that marriage should be between a man and a woman means is that YOU should marry a MAN if you haven’t already. It doesn’t mean that you get to decide who I marry. On to the next one…
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found and will gladly help anyone in need. But we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
Here’s where this e-mail starts to fall apart for me. I have to ask… why not? Our founding fathers spoke glowingly of our right to the pursuit of happiness in the Declaration of Independence. How on Earth can you pursue happiness if you are hungry and living in a cardboard box? I see absolutely no reason or justification, aside from greed, why every American shouldn’t be guaranteed basic shelter and sustenance. I’m not talking about caviar and a mansion. I’m talking about a studio apartment and bread, milk and beans. You want to kill two birds with one stones? Hire the unemployed in cities to renovate buildings for these “professional couch potatoes” and then to maintain and manage them. Use failing small family farms in America to provide the bread, milk and beans for these folks.
I also take exception to the idea that Americans are the most charitable people to be found. Beg pardon? Statistically, on a private basis, Americans give the LEAST to charity of any industrialized nation. Heck, MUSLIM countries give more in charity than we do. A conservative friend of mine a while back commented when we discussing the idea of a flat sales tax in place of the income tax that closing the deduction for charitable contributions would be a DIS-INCENTIVE for people to donate! WHAT? I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE THE MOST CHARITABLE PEOPLE TO BE FOUND! No, my friend… we are the most “what’s in it for me” people to be found. And the next?
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
Again, why not? We are the only industrialized nation that allows corporations to profit off of the pain and suffering of others and we need to quit it.
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised
if the rest of us want to see you get the blue juice.
Um… excuse me… but if by “blue juice” you mean lethal injection, then aren’t you physically harming that person? I mean, shouldn’t this apply to our government as well as us? A little later in this e-mail, the author espouses the mistaken but oft-repeated idea that America was founded to be a Christian country. Wasn’t Christ clear enough about the taking of life? Christ said that if someone strikes your left cheek, turn your right to them also. He said to love and forgive your enemies. Not put them to death. But it’s much harder to do that than to simply be a hypocrite, yeah? And the next…
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
True. And wittily phrased.
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
Again, why the heck not? And also, awkwardly phrased. As an amateur compositionist, I give it a C-. Why shouldn’t every American be guaranteed the right to some sort of employment? Even if it’s something simple and non-corporate. In downtown Seattle, whenever I see someone shining shoes or playing an instrument or singing, or just generally doing something creative or entertaining when their hat out, I try to drop them a buck or two. I think that this should be changed to “You have the right to employment, but do not necessarily have the right to receive this employment from someone else. You may have to go out and create it on your own.” Next:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
I freely admit to being too dumb to understand this one altogether. Wasn’t the author rejoicing over our laws in previous passages? Oh, wait… maybe he’s referring to those of us who are “confused” by second amendment, and insist on taking it literally where it says a “WELL-REGULATED militia being necessary, the rights of the people to bear arms should not be infringed.” Just a guess, but when one of these nutjobs starts ranting about the bill of rights, they are very rarely talking about editorial freedom or freedom of religion or speech, which they couldn’t really give a crap about, but the right to bear arms. Now for one that I agree with, although it has nothing to do with rights.
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you came from . . . English is our language. Learn it!
I can never express clearly enough to my liberal friends how important this is to a peaceful nation. A former girlfriend of mine once actually commented that it was incumbent upon retail clerks to learn the language of their customers instead of upon the customers to learn English. In one day I may have native speakers of Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, Russian, Tagalong and Swahili. Seems like a hell of an education necessary for selling a TV to a customer. All that I can say is that if I moved to a non-English speaking country, I would learn the language of the land FOR MY OWN CONVENIENCE. In my home and in my neighborhood (presumably called “America Town” or “Little America”) I would speak English. If I left my little cocoon, I would speak the native language just to make my life easier.
By the same token, I would like to share something that happened to me years ago as a cashier. As I was wrapping up with customer A, I greeted customer B, whom I then realized was speaking in Russian on his cell phone. Customer A, in a kind of snide, superior tone of voice sniped “Probably doesn’t speak English.” After this jerk left, and customer B ended his cell phone call so that he and I could transact (something that most ENGLISH-SPEAKING AMERICANS don’t have the courtesy to do, I might add), his wife told him in English what the jerk had said. The Russian dude looked after the other customer and said IN PERFECTLY CLEAR ENGLISH “I speak seven languages. I wonder how many HE speaks?” It turns out that the man, a Russian immigrant, was on the phone to Russia making funeral arrangements for his mom. To put it another way, here’s a joke that I heard from an emergency-room orderly one time. I forget where he was from… I do remember that he speaks four languages. What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Tri-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bi-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks ONE language? American. So even though I agree that people who immigrate to this country should learn the language, I also think that we need to get off of our high horses about this somewhat until we start making more of an effort to learn other languages ourselves. And finally…
You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history. Sorry if you are uncomfortable with it.
(Whispering) Uh… dude? By insisting that America was founded on the belief in one true God… presumably you mean THE one true God as Christians and Jews refer to “him” and not Allah or the Buddha Dharma or any of the other “one true God’s” out there… you are changing our country’s history AND heritage.
Look at the documents, people. Our country was founded on FREEDOMS bounded by LAWS. The founders, very few of whom are what F-word news would consider “Christian”, never mentioned the “one true God” in the documents for a good reason. The closest that they come is to say “creator”, which is a logical statement rather than a religious one. If we are here then we were, by the laws of logic, created. Whatever is created has a creator. They do not speculate as to what that force may have been.
Also, “in God we trust” has only been a part of our “history and heritage” for a relatively short time. It was not around at the time of the creators. It really came into being after the civil war as an attempt to give the north and south something to pull together around since they had been so recently pulled apart.
In a related note, “so help me God” as part of the presidential oath of office is what we call a TRADITION. It is not written into the oath, nor should it be. Granted, it is a long and venerable tradition, having been started by George Washington at the first inaugural and carried forward by every president every since. But it is still a TRADITION. If our next president chooses not to say it, he or she will get crap from the media and their peers, but they will still be receiving the oath AS WRITTEN.
And, although this “controversy” seems to have died down some, “one nation, under God” was only added to the flag oath in the fifties. It was originally “one nation, indivisible”. And for those who think that the flag oath can’t be changed, I’ll ask you to watch a film of kids taking the oath prior to about 1940. The tradition at that time was to hold your hand over your heart while you said “I pledge allegiance”, and then to thrust your arm out rigid at a forty-five degree angle, fingers pointing toward the flag as you finished the oath. For some reason, after the rise of Hitler in Germany, this practice was stopped. Hmmm… I wonder why?
I ask again, folks. Think about these things and research them before you forward them. To quote the eminent sage George Carlin, “It’s all bullshit and it’s all bad for ya.”
PS - I signed up for Google ads as way to try to make some extra money... you will see them appear to the left of this column. I would like to issue the disclaimer that I have no control over the ads placed there, they are based on keywords from my posts. As a matter of fact, sometimes, like when they are ads for "vote pro-life merchandise for sale", i find them to be utterly repulsive.
Peace.
Randal
What are the chances that we are behind the protests? I don’t have any evidence that we are, but let’s face it – you look at the number of times that America has been involved in “protests” over legitimate elections that wind up putting an illegitimate leader in place… Iran in 1941, Cuba in 1958, Florida in 2000… we’re not above engineering elections to get what we consider in our own near-sighted myopic way to be a favorable outcome. Of course, the results of the three aforementioned elections (the Shah of Iran, Fidel Castro and George W. Bush) show that what is favorable in the short-term is not always a good thing in the long-term.
Okay, now on to the e-mail. I’ve said before (and I’m apparently doomed to say again) that if you forward a brainless e-mail to me, I will pick it apart with a crab fork. So…
A friend of mine whom I consider a “borderline neo-con”, meaning that he really WANTS to be a neo-con when he grows up but can’t quite bring himself to fully handle the snakes and drink the Kool-aid sent this e-mail to me call the Bill of “non-rights”. Let me make absolutely clear that this is separate from the “bill of responsibilities” that the sane among us advocate to get Americans to grow up. So let’s look at each of these “non-rights”.
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
Good start. I like it. This idea of entitlement is part of what’s gotten us into the financial mess that we’re in right now. It’s like when I see these TV commercials talking about how this or that outfit can help you stop your credit card debt. Want to stop your credit card debt? CUT UP THE BLOODY CREDIT CARDS! Get rid of them! With the possible exception of a house or a car, go back to living the way that people used to: if you can’t afford to pay cash for it, you CAN’T AFFORD IT! So let’s look at the next one.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc. but the world is full of dummies and probably always will be.
I agree. I’ve seen this phrased different ways at different times and I always agree with it. This idea that somehow the way that I think that YOU should live is the correct way always confuses and bugs me. For instance, on Bill Maher’s show a few weeks back, he had a former republican lawmaker named Heather Wilson. With only seconds remaining in the show before he started his final segment, New Rules, he inexplicably asked Ms. Wilson about gay marriage. She put on that holier-than-thou, simpering face that I’ve grown so sick of and said the words that always presage trouble for free thinkers “Well, I’m a Christian…” I gotta tell you, Ms. Wilson, that… AS A CHRISTIAN… not all of us agree with what you’re about to whine. As a matter of fact, some of us take Jesus’ admonition not to judge to heart. At any rate, she continued that with “I was raised to believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman.” Bully for you. What gives you the right to impose that belief on others? Ms. Wilson, on the off-chance that you’re reading this, I challenge you to a debate on the Biblical view of marriage and it’s application or non-application today, and I can almost guarantee you that if we have impartial judges, you’ll lose. But in the meantime, all that the fact that you think that marriage should be between a man and a woman means is that YOU should marry a MAN if you haven’t already. It doesn’t mean that you get to decide who I marry. On to the next one…
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found and will gladly help anyone in need. But we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
Here’s where this e-mail starts to fall apart for me. I have to ask… why not? Our founding fathers spoke glowingly of our right to the pursuit of happiness in the Declaration of Independence. How on Earth can you pursue happiness if you are hungry and living in a cardboard box? I see absolutely no reason or justification, aside from greed, why every American shouldn’t be guaranteed basic shelter and sustenance. I’m not talking about caviar and a mansion. I’m talking about a studio apartment and bread, milk and beans. You want to kill two birds with one stones? Hire the unemployed in cities to renovate buildings for these “professional couch potatoes” and then to maintain and manage them. Use failing small family farms in America to provide the bread, milk and beans for these folks.
I also take exception to the idea that Americans are the most charitable people to be found. Beg pardon? Statistically, on a private basis, Americans give the LEAST to charity of any industrialized nation. Heck, MUSLIM countries give more in charity than we do. A conservative friend of mine a while back commented when we discussing the idea of a flat sales tax in place of the income tax that closing the deduction for charitable contributions would be a DIS-INCENTIVE for people to donate! WHAT? I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE THE MOST CHARITABLE PEOPLE TO BE FOUND! No, my friend… we are the most “what’s in it for me” people to be found. And the next?
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
Again, why not? We are the only industrialized nation that allows corporations to profit off of the pain and suffering of others and we need to quit it.
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised
if the rest of us want to see you get the blue juice.
Um… excuse me… but if by “blue juice” you mean lethal injection, then aren’t you physically harming that person? I mean, shouldn’t this apply to our government as well as us? A little later in this e-mail, the author espouses the mistaken but oft-repeated idea that America was founded to be a Christian country. Wasn’t Christ clear enough about the taking of life? Christ said that if someone strikes your left cheek, turn your right to them also. He said to love and forgive your enemies. Not put them to death. But it’s much harder to do that than to simply be a hypocrite, yeah? And the next…
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
True. And wittily phrased.
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
Again, why the heck not? And also, awkwardly phrased. As an amateur compositionist, I give it a C-. Why shouldn’t every American be guaranteed the right to some sort of employment? Even if it’s something simple and non-corporate. In downtown Seattle, whenever I see someone shining shoes or playing an instrument or singing, or just generally doing something creative or entertaining when their hat out, I try to drop them a buck or two. I think that this should be changed to “You have the right to employment, but do not necessarily have the right to receive this employment from someone else. You may have to go out and create it on your own.” Next:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
I freely admit to being too dumb to understand this one altogether. Wasn’t the author rejoicing over our laws in previous passages? Oh, wait… maybe he’s referring to those of us who are “confused” by second amendment, and insist on taking it literally where it says a “WELL-REGULATED militia being necessary, the rights of the people to bear arms should not be infringed.” Just a guess, but when one of these nutjobs starts ranting about the bill of rights, they are very rarely talking about editorial freedom or freedom of religion or speech, which they couldn’t really give a crap about, but the right to bear arms. Now for one that I agree with, although it has nothing to do with rights.
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you came from . . . English is our language. Learn it!
I can never express clearly enough to my liberal friends how important this is to a peaceful nation. A former girlfriend of mine once actually commented that it was incumbent upon retail clerks to learn the language of their customers instead of upon the customers to learn English. In one day I may have native speakers of Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, Russian, Tagalong and Swahili. Seems like a hell of an education necessary for selling a TV to a customer. All that I can say is that if I moved to a non-English speaking country, I would learn the language of the land FOR MY OWN CONVENIENCE. In my home and in my neighborhood (presumably called “America Town” or “Little America”) I would speak English. If I left my little cocoon, I would speak the native language just to make my life easier.
By the same token, I would like to share something that happened to me years ago as a cashier. As I was wrapping up with customer A, I greeted customer B, whom I then realized was speaking in Russian on his cell phone. Customer A, in a kind of snide, superior tone of voice sniped “Probably doesn’t speak English.” After this jerk left, and customer B ended his cell phone call so that he and I could transact (something that most ENGLISH-SPEAKING AMERICANS don’t have the courtesy to do, I might add), his wife told him in English what the jerk had said. The Russian dude looked after the other customer and said IN PERFECTLY CLEAR ENGLISH “I speak seven languages. I wonder how many HE speaks?” It turns out that the man, a Russian immigrant, was on the phone to Russia making funeral arrangements for his mom. To put it another way, here’s a joke that I heard from an emergency-room orderly one time. I forget where he was from… I do remember that he speaks four languages. What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Tri-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bi-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks ONE language? American. So even though I agree that people who immigrate to this country should learn the language, I also think that we need to get off of our high horses about this somewhat until we start making more of an effort to learn other languages ourselves. And finally…
You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history. Sorry if you are uncomfortable with it.
(Whispering) Uh… dude? By insisting that America was founded on the belief in one true God… presumably you mean THE one true God as Christians and Jews refer to “him” and not Allah or the Buddha Dharma or any of the other “one true God’s” out there… you are changing our country’s history AND heritage.
Look at the documents, people. Our country was founded on FREEDOMS bounded by LAWS. The founders, very few of whom are what F-word news would consider “Christian”, never mentioned the “one true God” in the documents for a good reason. The closest that they come is to say “creator”, which is a logical statement rather than a religious one. If we are here then we were, by the laws of logic, created. Whatever is created has a creator. They do not speculate as to what that force may have been.
Also, “in God we trust” has only been a part of our “history and heritage” for a relatively short time. It was not around at the time of the creators. It really came into being after the civil war as an attempt to give the north and south something to pull together around since they had been so recently pulled apart.
In a related note, “so help me God” as part of the presidential oath of office is what we call a TRADITION. It is not written into the oath, nor should it be. Granted, it is a long and venerable tradition, having been started by George Washington at the first inaugural and carried forward by every president every since. But it is still a TRADITION. If our next president chooses not to say it, he or she will get crap from the media and their peers, but they will still be receiving the oath AS WRITTEN.
And, although this “controversy” seems to have died down some, “one nation, under God” was only added to the flag oath in the fifties. It was originally “one nation, indivisible”. And for those who think that the flag oath can’t be changed, I’ll ask you to watch a film of kids taking the oath prior to about 1940. The tradition at that time was to hold your hand over your heart while you said “I pledge allegiance”, and then to thrust your arm out rigid at a forty-five degree angle, fingers pointing toward the flag as you finished the oath. For some reason, after the rise of Hitler in Germany, this practice was stopped. Hmmm… I wonder why?
I ask again, folks. Think about these things and research them before you forward them. To quote the eminent sage George Carlin, “It’s all bullshit and it’s all bad for ya.”
PS - I signed up for Google ads as way to try to make some extra money... you will see them appear to the left of this column. I would like to issue the disclaimer that I have no control over the ads placed there, they are based on keywords from my posts. As a matter of fact, sometimes, like when they are ads for "vote pro-life merchandise for sale", i find them to be utterly repulsive.
Peace.
Randal
Friday, June 12, 2009
Military Integration
I think that I figured out how we can change the discussion over gays in the military. By changing the terminology… starting to call it what it REALLY is… military integration. And if we need to have a segregated military first… a military with gay battalions and straight battalions, so be it.
I’ve always been aware that many of the arguments against homosexuals being able to marry are the same arguments that were once used against interracial marriage. Now I’ve discovered, by reading a book on the Tuskegee Airmen, America’s first black military fliers, that many of the arguments against homosexual integration into our military are the same as the arguments presented once upon a time against racial integration.
For instance, how about this… “This policy has been proven satisfactory over a long period of years and to make changes would produce situations destructive to morale and detrimental to the preparations for national defense.” Although that sounds like someone defending “don’t ask, don’t tell”, it’s actually part of a memo from Secretary of War Robert P. Patterson to President Roosevelt in 1940.
And on both issues, integrating the military and allowing homosexuals to marry, I think that President Truman (then SENATOR Truman’s) comment to a black soldier who wasn’t being allowed to fly says it all. “Are you a citizen? Do you pay taxes?” Truman’s argument was that if both of these things are true, then nothing should stop them from enjoying all the benefits of citizenship. It’s just not right that they are not able to.
Peace.
Randal
I’ve always been aware that many of the arguments against homosexuals being able to marry are the same arguments that were once used against interracial marriage. Now I’ve discovered, by reading a book on the Tuskegee Airmen, America’s first black military fliers, that many of the arguments against homosexual integration into our military are the same as the arguments presented once upon a time against racial integration.
For instance, how about this… “This policy has been proven satisfactory over a long period of years and to make changes would produce situations destructive to morale and detrimental to the preparations for national defense.” Although that sounds like someone defending “don’t ask, don’t tell”, it’s actually part of a memo from Secretary of War Robert P. Patterson to President Roosevelt in 1940.
And on both issues, integrating the military and allowing homosexuals to marry, I think that President Truman (then SENATOR Truman’s) comment to a black soldier who wasn’t being allowed to fly says it all. “Are you a citizen? Do you pay taxes?” Truman’s argument was that if both of these things are true, then nothing should stop them from enjoying all the benefits of citizenship. It’s just not right that they are not able to.
Peace.
Randal
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